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Memories are reminders of experiences from the past that our minds have stored and filed. So for example; the event (we were talking), the physical feeling (it was cold), and the emotional feeling (I was scared) are processed and filed in our long-term memory. We have learned to interact with the world around us in reference to our memories. This is the basis of how we experience stress, anxiety and make decisions in our day to day lives. Some therapists call this our unconscious.
Despite being from anytime in our past, when the memory returns, it can be powerful and overwhelming. We experience the feelings; shame, anger, sadness etc, as strongly as ever whether we want to or not. Often we do not understand why we are recalling the memory. Memories can also be less specific offering only a sense of unease, stress and anxiety. The experience of the memory might be fleeting but the feelings may linger. The negative memories we experience can undermine our sense of self-worth over time and the ability to function in our day to day lives. Unfortunately, we do not always remember why we feel bad, we just know we do. Memories can be overwhelming, debilitating and ultimately affect our long-term health. Unfortunately, sometimes our family, friends and colleagues are not capable of understanding how profoundly our memories are overwhelming us. How does therapy help? There are several excellent types of therapy that can help you overcome debilitating memories and the feelings we experience. Behavioural therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you understand that feelings are thought processes that determine your behaviour. By understanding and changing the way you think and approach an issue, you can overcome negative feelings and behaviours. Humanistic therapies such as person-centred therapy, offers a safe space to acknowledge and express your feelings. By coming to terms with the feelings, they will no longer dominate your life. Clinical therapies such as psychodynamic therapy helps you explore when, why and how feelings were formed in your past and stored as memories. This allows you to fundamentally change the relationship with past events so they no longer control your present through debilitating feelings. Many therapists will offer compelling reasons to invest in their type of therapy. Choose the therapy and therapist you feel speaks to you. Current psychological research suggests that we mature as adults by the age of 24. This means that personality sets by the age of 24. In essence, we are who we are, unless we experience a physical or psychological trauma to the brain. Some psychologists support this idea by pointing to the success of personality tests. Although personality tests can be popular with large organisations for recruitment, they can also be misleading and potentially pigeon hole us. The tests do not recognise different aspects to our personalities.
Instead, perhaps it is more useful to think of our personality as a tool box. As we grow up we develop 20 plus tools (reactions, beliefs and behaviours) in the box. However, we also develop an over reliance on two or three of these tools regardless of the situation we find ourselves in. This is a result of our development and the way we learned to interact with our world; relationships, goals, beliefs and attitudes. Unfortunately, we may have the capacity to reflect our reactions were wrong (by experiencing feelings of guilt and shame) but believe we lack the ability to change. Often we lack the awareness to understand that we are hurting ourselves and others. The goal of therapy is to help you recognise that you are not limited in life to using the same two or three tools for every situation. By exploring and processing your beliefs, behaviours and reactions, you will recognise why an over-reliance on the same two or three tools may have been damaging for you over the years. Also, successful therapy gives you the opportunity to explore the different tools within your toolbox and consider the correct one to use given the situation, and the confidence to use it. You will be able to utilise less used aspects of your personality which are more appropriate for what you want to achieve in life. Your personality may not have changed but your ability to deal positively with your negative reactions, beliefs and behaviours can. Many therapists will offer compelling reasons to invest in their type of therapy. Choose the therapy and therapist you feel speaks to you. For most of us who have undergone therapy, it becomes a life changing experience helping us to overcome many issues and (re)build a sense of self-worth. However, it can also be a financial investment. So it is important to choose the right therapist for you.
Where do I start? Your employer or health insurance may offer short-term therapy at no cost. If this is available to you, I strongly recommend you start there. Short-term therapy helps you begin to process your issues and relieve the initial symptoms. It also demonstrates the benefits of therapy to your life. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and sometimes counselling is available through the NHS. Unfortunately, there tends to be a long waiting list but that should not stop you from asking your GP for a referral. While you are waiting, check if your employer or health insurance offers short-term therapy. There may be a local charity near you that offers therapy at a cut price rate. However, you will probably not be able to choose your therapist or type of therapy. I don’t have these options or I have exhausted these options Looking for a long-term therapist can be confusing. There are excellent websites that therapists will advertise on. These sites guarantee that the therapist is properly trained, registered and insured. I have included several of these sites for the UK below. If you can afford to choose a therapist, here are some things to consider:
What type of therapy should I choose? Many therapists will offer compelling reasons to invest in their type of therapy. Personally, I am persuaded by research that suggests it is the quality of the relationship between the client and therapist that counts. This is called the Therapeutic Alliance. Then choose whatever type of therapy speaks to you: again, read the paragraph they have on their page and consider what they tell you over the phone. Therapy offers a life changing opportunity to develop long-term positive mental health and self-worth. Helpful websites to finding a therapist British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP) www.bacp.co.uk Counselling and Psychotherapy in Scotland (COSCA) www.cosca.org.uk Counselling Directory www.counselling-directory.org.uk |
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